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What D&D Character Am I?

I’m a…wait…what?

Brendan over at Untimately revealed Tuesday that he is actually a True Neutral Human Rogue. He comes by this knowledge via Easydamus’ What Kind of D&D Character Would You Be? quiz.

Having pondered this exact question since 1983, I visit the Oracle at Easydamus, who subjects me to a battery of questions. Piercing inquiries that necessitate introspection. Would I betray a friend? Would I give to the poor? Would I rather be smart or strong? Like Conan, I am asked what’s best in life.

I answer truthfully, keeping mental track of where each question is leading. Given my frail limbs, lack of coordination, and bookish nature, I strongly suspect I am a magic-user of some sort. Neutral to Good. Definitely a human.

So you can imagine the purity of my WTF moment when I’m assigned this:


I Am A: Chaotic Neutral Halfling Ranger (5th Level)

Ability Scores:

Strength-9

Dexterity-13

Constitution-10

Intelligence-15

Wisdom-12

Charisma-14

Alignment:
Chaotic Neutral A chaotic neutral character follows his whims. He is an individualist first and last. He values his own liberty but doesn’t strive to protect others’ freedom. He avoids authority, resents restrictions, and challenges traditions. A chaotic neutral character does not intentionally disrupt organizations as part of a campaign of anarchy. To do so, he would have to be motivated either by good (and a desire to liberate others) or evil (and a desire to make those different from himself suffer). A chaotic neutral character may be unpredictable, but his behavior is not totally random. He is not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it. Chaotic neutral is the best alignment you can be because it represents true freedom from both society’s restrictions and a do-gooder’s zeal. However, chaotic neutral can be a dangerous alignment when it seeks to eliminate all authority, harmony, and order in society.

Race:
Halflings are clever, capable and resourceful survivors. They are notoriously curious and show a daring that many larger people can’t match. They can be lured by wealth but tend to spend rather than hoard. They prefer practical clothing and would rather wear a comfortable shirt than jewelry. Halflings stand about 3 feet tall and commonly live to see 150.

Class:
Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter’s dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger’s Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)


Detailed Results:

Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (19)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (20)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (16)
True Neutral ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (21)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (22)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXXXX (6)
Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)

Law & Chaos:
Law ----- XXXX (4)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXX (9)
Chaos --- XXXXXXXXXX (10)

Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Evil ---- XX (2)

Race:
Human ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Dwarf ---- XXXXXX (6)
Elf ------ XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Gnome ---- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Halfling - XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
Half-Elf - XXXXXXXX (8)
Half-Orc - XX (2)

Class:
Barbarian - (-4)
Bard ------ (-4)
Cleric ---- (-2)
Druid ----- (-2)
Fighter --- XX (2)
Monk ------ (-17)
Paladin --- (-25)
Ranger ---- XXXXXX (6)
Rogue ----- (0)
Sorcerer -- XXXX (4)
Wizard ---- (0)

Aside from the fact that I’m wiser than 12 (and probably weaker than 9)…a halfling? As in Bilbo? I mean, I like a sweater vest and my pipe as much as the next guy, but that came out of nowhere. “In a hole in the ground, there lived…me?” Not bloody likely.

Bakshi Sam

I am Sam

BUT, if you think of a halfling as just a short human who likes a slice of pie and a cup of tea while reading by the fire and wearing driving gloves and a Harris tweed suit when he goes a-motoring with Mr. Toad on pleasant Saturdays, then OK, I’m a halfling. Except I really am taller than 3’ and the doors in my house are rectangular. Still, I am daring in a way that larger people can’t match. That’s for damn sure. And—I confess it—I much prefer a comfortable shirt over bling…

The Chaotic Neutral thing was unexpected, too. But it makes sense in an odd sort of logic. As the do-whatever-you-want alignment, CN always struck me as the lazy approach to ethos. Like, “I can’t be labelled, man.”

But given that sentiment, how would a CN person think of himself? Definitely not evil, and probably with some realization of his middle-of-the-road tendencies. In other words, Neutral Good. Which is what I predicted. So the lesson here is that unless you’re a polar extreme (like a paladin, for which I rated “-25”), you probably think you’re a better alignment than you really are. Put another way, I didn’t realize I was Chaotic Neutral because I’m Chaotic Neutral.

Now, the ranger thing is completely inexplicable. Looking at the class scores, Sorcerer “4” is on the right track. Wizard “0” is disappointing (though I realize that I do not understand the distinction between these two magic-user-sounding professions). Likewise, Fighter “2” makes sense, in that it’s a low score. But ranger “6”?

Easydamus is has mistaken me for Aragorn. It is true that I’m an Eagle Scout. I’m also a Vigil member in the Order of the Arrow (which, if you’re not familiar, is like the SS of the Boy Scouts). I can survive in the woods with an orange, an egg, a single match, and a pocket knife. I have eaten raw meat in a shelter made of ferns.

But the only scene Aragorn and I have in common is smoking a pipe in a dark corner of a crowded inn. Watching people and looking mysterious. Which I can definitely do. But I am absolutely sure that I cannot fight ringwraiths with torches, nor is it likely that I can command an undead army. While I could probably find a medicinal herb in the forest, there is no way on this or any other Earth that I can track orc raiders halfway across the continent. Vengeful grudge? If I had to choose, it would be against Christopher Columbus.

But there it is. Confidently, Easydamus tells me that I’m a pipe-smoking woodsman dressed like a Kenneth Grahame character who doesn’t give a toss about anything. Which sounds unlikely until you also see that I’m 5th-level at it, which means that I’m quite good. Or at least that there’s some future in it.

Bonus: I went to the Hobbit Name Generator to top this one off. You may now refer to me as “Till Maggot of Loamsdown.”

Categories: Blog - Smale's Tales Tags: , ,
  1. Greg MacKenzie
    November 18th, 2011 at 20:01 | #1

    Ok, this is the best possible response to this; I am A:

    True Neutral Human Druid/Ranger (3rd/3rd Level)

    Ability Scores:
    Strength- 13
    Dexterity- 14
    Constitution- 10
    Intelligence- 13
    Wisdom- 16
    Charisma- 10

    Alignment:
    True Neutral- A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. He doesn’t feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most true neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil after all, he would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, he’s not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some true neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. True neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. However, true neutral can be a dangerous alignment when it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.

    Race:
    Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

    Primary Class:
    Druids- Druids gain power not by ruling nature but by being at one with it. They hate the unnatural, including aberrations or undead, and destroy them where possible. Druids receive divine spells from nature, not the gods, and can gain an array of powers as they gain experience, including the ability to take the shapes of animals. The weapons and armor of a druid are restricted by their traditional oaths, not simply training. A druid’s Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that they can cast.

    Secondary Class:
    Rangers- Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter’s dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger’s Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

    Detailed Results:

    Alignment:
    Lawful Good —– XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (22)
    Neutral Good —- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (23)
    Chaotic Good —- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (20)
    Lawful Neutral — XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (23)
    True Neutral —- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (24)
    Chaotic Neutral – XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (21)
    Lawful Evil —– XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
    Neutral Evil —- XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
    Chaotic Evil —- XXXXXXXXXX (10)

    Law & Chaos:
    Law —– XXXXXXXXXX (10)
    Neutral – XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
    Chaos — XXXXXXXX (8)

    Good & Evil:
    Good —- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
    Neutral – XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
    Evil —- XX (2)

    Race:
    Human —- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)
    Dwarf —- XXXXXXXX (8)
    Elf —— XXXXXX (6)
    Gnome —- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
    Halfling – XXXXXXXXXX (10)
    Half-Elf – XXXXXXXXXX (10)
    Half-Orc – XX (2)

    Class:
    Barbarian – (-2)
    Bard —— (0)
    Cleric —- (0)
    Druid —– XXXX (4)
    Fighter — (-2)
    Monk —— (-25)
    Paladin — (-17)
    Ranger —- XXXX (4)
    Rogue —– (-4)
    Sorcerer — (0)
    Wizard —- (0)

  2. Greg MacKenzie
    November 18th, 2011 at 20:02 | #2

    Amusing, would anyone else like to sit on the fence? Damn civilization… Damn… Paladin -17?

  3. Christian
    November 19th, 2011 at 01:24 | #3

    Hmmm… mine made me a Lawful Good Human Paladin/Wizard. That’s almost what I was expecting: I figured Lawful Good Human Fighter or Wizard. The Paladin throws me because I answered all of the questions regarding a religion or a “higher power” with answers suggesting I am irreligious. Other than that, and the fact that it gave me a 17 CON (quite a bit higher than I was expecting), it was spot on with my expectations.

  4. November 19th, 2011 at 09:59 | #4

    @Greg MacKenzie : Still, you’re 8 points more virtuous than my paladin -25 ;)

  5. deimos3428
    November 19th, 2011 at 09:59 | #5

    Um…you guys know you can’t have two rangers in the same party, right? (I refuse to do this test on the basis these tests are always horribly flawed.)

  6. November 19th, 2011 at 10:06 | #6

    @Christian : You’re the 1st Paladin I’ve seen. Maybe the fact that you didn’t expect it is significant–like it’s a “calling” you didn’t consciously choose. Plus, LG…that’s something.

  7. November 19th, 2011 at 10:10 | #7

    @deimos3428 : Hmmm…I was going to counter by declaring 1st Ed. rules, but then I realized that, under those terms, halfings can’t be rangers. Crap.

    Probably for the best…I don’t think Christian’s paladin would have gotten along with Till Maggot.

  8. Christian
    November 20th, 2011 at 05:36 | #8

    @Erin D. Smale
    You know, when I said that my results matched my expectations, I meant my expectations AFTER I started the quiz. Once I got a gander at the questions on the quiz, I started to realize that the answers I was giving were pointing towards Lawful Good. Before taking the quiz, I anticipated I would come up Chaotic Good. I am kinda torn, in terms of whether or not I think the quiz was an accurate reflection of my “real world alignment” — I tend to think of myself as socially liberal, yet I have tremendous respect for the rule of law and the justice system. So, Lawful Good is probably as good a match as Chaotic Good.

    As for class, I figured Wizard prior to taking the quiz, since I tend to think of myself as an intellectual. Once i started the quiz, though, I realized I am a much more direct, physical person than I had thought of otherwise. So I figured Fighter might crop up. Paladin still flabbergasts me, since they are not merely champions of law and justice (which could characterize a Lawful Good Fighter), but also champions of their faith (which, given that I am an atheist, does not reflect my quiz questions).

  9. Christian
    November 20th, 2011 at 05:39 | #9

    P.S. On an unrelated topic, your “Hex Based Campaign Design” posts are awesome, and likely to be heavily relied upon if and when I ever have the opportunity to run a campaign again.

  10. November 20th, 2011 at 08:11 | #10

    @Christian : I think it might be fun to have players take this quiz to see what characters they’ll play in the next campaign. Maybe as a one-shot.

    Obviously, we can’t really be authoritative on mapping real people to made-up alignment, but what I would like to see is a Myers-Briggs sort of thing that suggests class and alignment.

  11. November 20th, 2011 at 08:13 | #11

    @Christian : Thanks for the encouragement. Funny, because I was going to post a thank-you at large, given that that “Hex-based Campaign Design (Part 1)” passed a major milestone this weekend in number of visits.

  1. January 29th, 2012 at 15:39 | #1

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